Scary Night

Last night was one of the scariest experiences of my life.  In reality, it wasn't too serious, but I felt like my greatest fear was becoming a reality - that something would happen to my kids and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.  Anyone that has spent a lot of time with me and my girls knows I am a typical mom:  I am always trying to prevent a disaster that is unlikely to happen.  Whether it is falling down stairs, getting hit by a car, choking, burning themselves, etc., I just never want to see them go through anything painful or traumatic.  And I don't know what I would do if I lost either one of them.

Well, last night I was changing Ashley's diaper while Christian changed Elysha.  I was slightly distracted because Christian got up to get a diaper and Elysha peed on our carpet (saying "oh no!"), so I wasn't looking at Ashley at the time.  She started screaming and panicking.  I looked over and she just had a look of terror on her face.  I picked her up and she went limp in my arms.  I had no idea if she was throwing a fit or if something was really wrong or what could have happened.  She never acts like that.

I layed her back down and she got really rigid and she stopped breathing for a few seconds - long enough for her lips to turn blue.  I didn't know what to do and I just sat there staring at her and asking Christian what was wrong.  He picked her up and took her out into the cold and she started breathing again and was just really pale and quiet.  It all took probably 40 seconds.  It was terrifying though, I didn't even know if something really awful happened, we just didn't expect it or know what happened. 

I called the emergency room and they basically said they wouldn't know what happened unless they looked at her, and it might not have been serious.  I didn't know if maybe we should take her in, but they didn't encourage it.  I was panicked and Christian was just calm headed and in control.  He gave Ashley a blessing and I got very emotional as I was reminded again that Heavenly Father is in control of all things that happen in our lives.  I know that if we are righteous, that he will ensure that what happens to us is the best thing for us.  Even if I don't understand something, I know that I need to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not unto my own understanding".

Christian ended up taking Ashley to see his uncle, who is a doctor here in Ephraim.  He said she probably had a mild seizure and that it is actually somewhat common for otherwise healthy children to have seizures without any known cause.  His son actually had small seizures when he was growing up.  I was comforted that it's not as dangerous and scary as it felt like it should be.  At the same time, it is driving me crazy that there is nothing I can do to prevent it.  Hopefully it was just a one time occurance. 

So basically, everything is OK and we shouldn't be worried about it unless it happens again.  However, this experience has made me think a lot of how much I take my children's health for granted.  They are so little and fragile, yet so full of life and strong.  I am so grateful that they are able to be healthy and experience their life to the fullest.  I am so grateful that I have them in my life and that I can hug them and kiss them and play with them whenever I want.  I don't want to ever take them for granted, we have been so blessed!